Always playing catch up, but never catching up.

I've come to realize that there is no way to ever catch up.

For the 30 plus years of my life, I've worked hard. I can't say I was a good student, but I tried to the best of my ability. I had various jobs since I was a teen. First starting off at my parents' business, then venturing off to work for other people. At each of these positions, I tried, I really did. I did what I was supposed to do, and I did it well, or so I thought. But after all these years, I still feel lost and without purpose. I look at my friends with envy. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. They seem to travel everywhere and buy whatever they want without any worries. Their life seems perfect. Then there is me. I work a 9-5 job, hardly spend much money, and yet I still struggle with not having enough money. Perhaps the key issue is my job is simply a job, and not a career.

This is where people will probably say, "Then stop working at jobs and find yourself a career!" I wish it was that easy, and maybe it is. Maybe I am the one that is making it complicated. Perhaps I should stop looking for that career that I will enjoy doing for the rest of my life because such things don't exist. However, I really don't think that is true. I truly believe such things do exist, but just hard to come by. I think my biggest problem is that I don't know what truly makes me happy. I have lots of interest, but nothing I am particularly good at. Therefore, none of these things can become a career for me. Or can they?

Some people are lucky enough to know what they want to do early on in life. Then there are people like me, who after so many years of searching still can't find it. I wish I was one of the lucky few, but I'm not. So here I am, working day to day, trying to survive and catch up to the people around me only to realize that I will never ever catch up.